I have wanted to write again for awhile, but definitely needed to take time away to process some things out first-certainly needing to confess and repent of others, and required time to be really honest with myself.

I would definitely say that I have a love/hate relationship with the internet and social media. I love the connections and the creativity. I hate how fast it moves and changes. I love all the resources and connections to be made, but hate the feeling of not being able to keep or measure up. I love hearing what is going on with people around the world but I hate finding myself inevitably comparing myself or circumstances to well-curated snapshots.

There is a sacredness that I believe can be found in genuineness and authenticity of our presence online, but I am not naieve to the fact that there is a tough battle to be won. There is a delicate balance between being authentic and not airing our dirty laundry. There is wisdom to know when to speak up and when to abstain.

I understand that authenticity does not mean showing our lives as put together and lovely all of the time, yet often, that is what we find on the internet. Unloveliness tied up with a bow.

We read and consume, analyze, size up and compare, but we don’t often sit and think. To be still and think deeply is one of the most powerful forms of fighting sinful tendencies, yet the continual pull of consumerism and information input-no matter what kind it is- distracts and prevents stillness and time’s sacred work.

In writing and sharing too, there is a fight between speaking to be self-justified, and speaking kindly and in humility to a situation or audience. Am I writing and posting to be validated by others, or to humbly come alongside and encourage? While I genuinely desire the latter, truth be told, I have been motivated by the former. But that is my sin. And I must fight my sinful nature.

In my first post back, I said that I was just an ordinary person, an ordinary girl. And I am. I don’t know that I have ever felt more ordinary in my life…and so glad to be. I don’t at all desire a pedestal to stand upon and ardently believe our souls aren’t made for fame. But I desire to bridge gaps between comparison and feelings of lack–a hearty “oh girl, me too” when speaking about trying to run hard after the Lord and navigate the bunch of grey we have when it would be easier to have a black and white life.

There is a lot that I know I have limited perspective on, and much I have to learn, but with Timothy’s encouragement, I do also believe that I have things to say to encourage others, to encourage women, to encourage my sisters in Christ especially– because I have His Word, and His Spirit is alive in me.

And you have His Word too, my friend. For it to be a reflex we turn to though– it takes training, it takes learning, it takes intention…and if we’re honest–that takes practice, time, effort–and that sounds hard. There’s forces working against us and it doesn’t take a lot of looking to see what they are…easy distractions, schedules, unforeseen circumstances, feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, anxiety, being overwhelmed– needing to take care of the needs of our families, our homes, we have carpool and school and work…….

and that’s precisely why we need others, who are facing the very same regular, inevitable obstacles, to be honest about our own struggles, coming alongside of each other to encourage, to help, to understand and to be compassionate. This is discipleship. This is being the church. This is unity.

This is also messy and takes dying to ourselves everyday.

I’m in the middle of reading a book, Free of Me, and in it Sharon Hodde Miller says this: “In our culture of image, Christ’s humility is our example. If we want to resist a culture that makes women feel small because of how they look, if we really want to challenge that message and love women well, then it’s not enough to affirm our sisters without changing the way we live. No matter what we say, no matter how passionate or heartfelt, we can’t reverse the cultural tide while also playing into it. Jesus knew this. He couldn’t overturn worldly power by playing into worldly power….We have to choose compassion over comparison and compassion over competition.”

So basically this is a really long way of saying this: Pretty pictures are great, sharing what is on our hearts and updates on our families with friends is enjoyable and fun, a unique blessing to do so at the touch of a couple buttons! But if there is any place in our lives where our motives are different than the purity of heart may we confess and repent. Confess that we have used others as a means to an end to ‘feel’ justified. Confess that we have not sought to find our identity and security in Christ and instead traded it for temporary affirmation. Confess that we’ve carefully cultivated our online presence as one who is put-together all the while fighting insecurity and loneliness and isolation. And let’s repent–asking for wisdom before each post. Being honest with ourselves before we share. And even deleting what wouldn’t be honoring or glorifying to our Lord–no matter how popular or good of a response we find. As women and sisters in Christ, we are doing ourselves a HUGE disservice, isolating each other in inadequacy all the while longing for a friend to come alongside to whisper in our ear “oh girl, me too” while we take a step back from our messes. Let’s be those kind of women and let’s be those kinds of friends. It’s a deep abiding freedom to not rely on others to justify you. It’s hard to resist, but it’s freedom.